The impression I have is that having stuck my head all the way down allows me to see the surface in a different way. I only now understand what I want with the house and the project. It took two years, intense years, after the renovation was completed for me to understand what I could have in my hands. Expand the limits, radicalize, put a bunch of different people living together, rub until sparks fly out and catch fire, and hope the fire doesn't consume everything. This was the year that passed. The point is that controlling the fire is impossible, controlling events or the consequences of relationships is always exhausting and frustrating. You can try to provide guidance, inspire people, cushion falls, care for wounds, but not control.
Yesterday I asked her if she thought it was worth my insane effort to create connections between different people, she said “yes”, but thought about it, paused and shook her head as she spoke.
How important is this? Get closer, look and understand the world that is not yours, soften borders.
I said that I would like people who would use my house to introduce me and she said that a formal introduction is not a common thing to do in her daily life and among friends. Then I said that my proposal is this, that the person enters my innermost being, my home, and, therefore, getting to know me or creating a movement for this was something essential to begin this experience... I then understood that we need to create other rituals, which make meaning to everyone.
That's why everything hurts so much, everyone enters into a very deep intimacy with us. the house where I live, where I raise my children. Here I expose myself and give myself inside out, nothing to hide. That's why it's so easy to hurt.
I think what made me sick was losing my house, amid a thousand demands and stories that circulated within it. No, not losing your house!! Losing your guidance and the pleasure of being in this territory would mean losing your life. Nothing matters as much to me as this.
